


Bottoms Up

by thealphagate_archivist



Category: Stargate SG-1
Genre: Humor, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2006-03-20
Updated: 2006-03-20
Packaged: 2019-02-02 11:05:14
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,161
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12725430
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thealphagate_archivist/pseuds/thealphagate_archivist
Summary: Jack and Daniel discover a shared love of mixed drinks with suggestive names.





	Bottoms Up

**Author's Note:**

> Note from the archivists: this story was originally archived at [The Alpha Gate](https://fanlore.org/wiki/The_Alpha_Gate), a Stargate SG-1 archive, which began migration to the AO3 in 2017 when its hosting software, eFiction, was no longer receiving support. To preserve the archive, we began manually importing its works to the AO3 as an Open Doors-approved project in November 2017. We e-mailed all creators about the move and posted announcements, but may not have reached everyone. If you are this creator and it hasn't transferred to your AO3 account, please contact us using the e-mail address on [The Alpha Gate collection profile](https://archiveofourown.org/collections/thealphagate).

The first time Jack met Daniel, he knew he'd found the person with whom he would spend the rest of his life.

He wasn't exactly sure how it was going to work, but he didn't let that-or minor details such as his marriage, his career and Daniel's reluctance to even talk to him-get in the way. Now, five years later, the details had worked themselves out. He'd decided that he could have both his career and Daniel and, if he couldn't he'd choose Daniel without even hesitating, and all that remained was to inform Daniel of his status as Jack's studly lover and rest-of-life partner, so they could get down to some studly loving.

Jack had to wait for the right moment to do this. It wasn't, he knew, the kind of news you just sprang on someone. Although, if he was reading Daniel right, he didn't think it would be news at all. 

Jack wasn't sure what this perfect moment for disclosure was going to look like, but he was sure he'd recognize it when he saw it. He just had to be patient. Now, though, sweltering in a dank cave one some godforsaken planet, with Teal'c and Carter back at the camp and a sweaty, shirtless Daniel waxing orgasmic over some pictograms, patience was the last thing on Jack's mind.

"This can't be right," Daniel muttered. Jack glanced down at his crotch, where yet another perfectly good erection was going to waste, and heartily agreed.

"What's up, Danny?" Apart from the obvious.

Daniel glanced over his shoulder. "I must have made a translation error."

Jack's shock was only partially feigned. "What? You?"

Daniel pursed his lips. "Forget it."

"How? This is a significant world event. Ranks right up there with the moon landing and the Kennedy assassination. Is there a grassy knoll around here somewhere?" He smiled, to show he wasn't being a total prick. This time.

"According to this, the Vitaxians drank 'Virgin's Blood' at all their major social gatherings. But there's no other signs of cannibalism, and anyway, the sheer number of virgins would be completely impractical."

Jack grinned. "You know what they say about virgins, right, Danny?"

Unfortunately, Daniel did. "They're hard to come by."

Jack frowned. "That was my line."

"I know. You use it every time I bring up the subject."

Jack didn't dispute this. Instead, he sidled up behind Daniel. "Anyway, it doesn't have to be a mistake."

Daniel narrowed his eyes. "What do you mean?"

Jack shrugged. "How many Bloody Marys have you had in your life? Screwdrivers? Singapore Slings?" Daniel looked intrigued. Jack couldn't resist. "Blowjobs?"

In the dim light of the cave, Jack could just make out a blush on Daniel's cheeks. Maybe the moment had finally come. "Or do you prefer a muff dive?"

"What's that?"

"Kahlua and whipped cream, same as a blowjob. But the whipped cream is on the outside of the shot glass."

"Hm. How revolting." Daniel studied the pictograms and Jack studied Daniel. "I like sex on the beach, myself."

Jack moved in even closer. "That's OK, but my favourite is Jack Daniels and tequila." Jack felt the heat radiating from Daniel's body and smiled smugly. No way Daniel would know that one.

Or maybe he did. Daniel's eyebrows disappeared into his hat. "A bum fucker?" Jack started. "I didn't think you were the type, Jack."

"Jesus, Danny, how does an innocent-looking guy like you know all this stuff?"

Daniel smiled sweetly. "I could ask the same of you."

"I spend a lot of time around lonely drunken airmen," Jack replied.

Daniel shrugged. "So do I."

Jack knew he should probably ask Daniel what he meant by that, but at the moment, he couldn't bring himself to care. "Then maybe you're familiar with my other favourite." Jack swallowed. This was it, cards on the table time. Daniel was still looking at the pictograms, but without his usual, hyper-focused stare. Jack knew he was listening. "An ornery middle-aged colonel with a twist."

"The twist being?" Daniel was obviously trying to sound casual, but his voice was hoarse. 

"He's got a huge hard-on for his sexy archaeologist." Taking that last step, Jack reached out and put Daniel's hand over said hard- on. Daniel fondled it gently, like he was handling some rare artifact. Jack felt like his head was about to explode. 

"The problem with that," Daniel replied thoughtfully, "Is that it can lead to the colonel losing his job."

"I know. But every good drink's worth the hangover." Jack hesitated. Daniel seemed unsure. He needed to convince him. "Of course," Jack finally continued, "When you're middle-aged you can't drink on an empty stomach." Jack coughed. He hated mushiness. But if it was the only way to show Daniel he was sincere, then that's what he would do. "You need to have your blowjobs with Hugs and Kisses." Daniel was looking at him like he'd lost his mind. "And, you know, those disgusting candy hearts with those stupid messages on them. You know, U R Sweet and Crazy 4 U and..."

"Jack." Daniel frowned. "Shut up."

"Hey! I..." Once again, Daniel cut him off. Although this time, he used his tongue, so Jack could hardly complain.

* * *

If Carter noticed something different when Jack and Daniel got back to camp, she didn't comment on it. Teal'c said: 

"You seem especially content, Daniel Jackson."

Daniel stammered, and Jack patted him on the shoulder, just because now, when he touched Daniel, they both knew what he meant by it. Then, he answered Teal'c for Daniel.

"Yeah, Teal'c. Craziest thing, turns out these people were an alcoholic bunch of SOBs."

"Indeed?" Teal'c looked at them impassively. "Colonel O'Neill, if I may have a word?"

"You betcha." Daniel and Sam went off to pack the tent. Jack was watching them go-well, watching Daniel-when Teal'c lowered his voice and informed him:

"Colonel O'Neill, I believe it would be prudent if you were to fasten your fly." He followed that up with: "And if you feel compelled to examine a team member's behind, it would be safer if you pretended to examine Major Carter's." 

Back on the base, Jack sat through the longest debriefing of his life, made all the longer by vivid, persistent thoughts of how he would like to debrief Daniel. 

Then, suddenly, the meeting was over and Jack was standing in Daniel's apartment, not quite sure how he got there and with no idea of what they were going to do next.

"I..." He began, at the same time Daniel said:

"Can..." Jack gestured for him to continue. "Can I offer you a drink?" Daniel sounded as anxious as Jack felt, and that made it all OK. 

"Sure. I'll take Bailey's, vodka and Kahlua. If you've got it." 

Daniel smirked. "I think that can be arranged." 

Daniel was true to his word. Jack received not one but two Screaming Orgasms that night, and was able to provide the same for Daniel.


End file.
